Party On

Nothing new to report from the pool. But holy crap!!! I love this video.

Happy Grandparent's Day

I’m not sure if you knew it, but today is Grandparent’s Day in the US. Did you have the fun grandparents and the serious ones? I did.

The grandma I share a first name with was the one that bought me clothes for my birthday. She was also the first OCD that I know of in the family. Since my parents both worked two jobs, she baby sat for us a lot. I cut her a lot of slack looking back because we were brats.



The other grandma, my mom’s mom, bought me toys and she got it that dolls were wasted on me. She bought me toy guns. Unfortunately, she had an unhealthy lifestyle—she drank too much beer and smoked 2 packs a day and ate a typical southern diet of fried everything. She died when she was 51.

My grandfathers were both fun. My grandpa Tom took me to Cubs’ games and bought me my first baseball mitt. He also told the best stories about growing up in Al Capone’s Chicago. He lived on a street that had a corner known as “Assassin’s Corner” because on any given Friday night, a car would careen around a corner, slow down a little, and then a body would be dumped out.


My grandpa Cal rolled his own cigarettes. Every shirt he owned had holes in the front from hastily rolled cigarettes. He didn’t get gray hair until he was well into his 80’s.

[Fun grandpa Cal giving me beer while potty training.
I think it helped]

My grandparents are gone, but I hope if you still have some you call them today and tell them Happy Grandparent’s Day.

[originally posted on LezBang]

Butch Overboard IV: Practice makes perfectly boring

Question: So Rusty, how’s the teaching yourself to “swim” going?

Short answer: I’m teaching myself the Crawl stroke in a 25 yard lap pool that’s only 4.5 feet deep. At least the “Oh, god, oh god, I’m gonna die” part of the ordeal is gone. In fact, “just stand up” is my favorite survival technique ever.

Longer answer: It’s slow going. I’m still learning to exhale underwater. There is a series of online videos that have been very helpful* and I can visualize what I’m supposed to be doing. It’s just not happening yet. I have until December 13th (the date of the Tinsel Triathlon).

The Plan
I’ve been working under the theory that if I just practice exhaling enough times, I’ll get it. My plan was to stay in the water a minimum of ½ hour two days a week and practice exhaling under water. When I could do that I’d move on to perfecting the kick and stroke. (Both of which are easy for me compared to that breathing thing.)

Good theory — Poor execution. This is about as much fun as learning multiplication tables. Both are useful skills that will eventually be combined with other useful skills so that you can do fun stuff, but on its own — not fun. Rote learning sucks ass no matter what you’re trying to learn. I’ve been finding ways to get through the ½ hour in less productive ways, “Hey I wonder how long I can tread water?” Treading water is important, but it’s not my focus right now. I want to focus on breathing.

Change of plan. Instead of giving myself a time limit of 1/2 hour, I gave myself a task limit. As soon as I make the length of the pool and back 10 times I can get out of the pool. This works much better; I've stopped screwing around with time sucks. Do 10 and get out.

And Also
The 10 and get out approach works great once I get to the pool; unfortunately it's too easy for me to find excuses not to go. This morning I dragged myself to the pool and knew I had to figure out a way to make it more fun. I finished my workout and noticed a water aerobics class about to start. What the hell. It looked like a small class and my mom swears by water aerobics. After her back surgery, her insurance company stopped paying for her physical therapy (f'tards) so she supplemented on her own with water aerobics and it worked wonders for her.

Lesson Learned
That.Was.Fun. We worked with weights and ran in the pool and did all sorts of things that didn’t involve swimming.

I had so much to think about that I forgot how much I hated the water. I got my cross training in (bonus) and figured out a way to look forward to getting in the pool (another bonus). I added two water aerobics classes to my training regimen. But I still have to “swim” laps first.

*The online swimming series is good, but it says nothing about exhaling through your nose. It's not all that obvious to everyone. Just sayin.

Who Loves Boobs?

ME TOO!!! I love them a lot actually. But have you done anything to save them lately?

I don’t care if you call them boobs, breasts, tatas, hooters, knockers, the twins, the girls, tits, jugs, fun bags, lovely lady lumps, head lights, the rack, or bazoombas. The point is that we’re losing too many of them and the women (and men) they belong to.

This is my friend Carolyn West; she’s a breast cancer survivor and for the past 10 years she’s walked the Breast Cancer 3-Day to raise money to find a cure and provide support for those
fighting their own battle. She’s made the commitment again this year to walk 60 miles in 3 days (Washington, DC October 9-11). At night she’ll be sleeping in a tent.

Every year Carolyn's wife Lisa "loads up her car with plenty of goodies and has lots of hugs to share" with the walkers, too.


I did the 3-Day two years ago. I'm not doing it this year because the economy is in the toilet and in order to walk, you have to raise $2300. Take it from me, the walking is a piece of cake compared to raising that much money in any economy but this year it is horrific and Carolyn needs our help.

This is where her fundraising is as of Sunday 8/23/2009. If she doesn't get the $2300 either she has to put the rest in herself or for the first time in 10 years, she doesn't get to walk.


Please go to this link and donate. $10, $20, whatever you can afford. And then share the link so that we can get her to her Walk.

In Westies’ words: My 12th Walk in 10 Years
This adventure is truly the highlight weekend of the year for me. It is the only time when I can honestly say I am surrounded by kindness all day long. I love the togetherness that it shared and the feeling of being a part of something really important. I am looking forward to preparing for my journey, and would love to take you all along. Check back for more updates on my training, fundraising and team building.

Here’s her slideshow from last year's walk.


In closing, thanks for helping out and I have one more favor to ask. Below is the schedule for the remaining 2009 3-Day Walks. I'm not walking this year, but I am going to the San Diego Walk to cheer the walkers on. It’s an amazing experience and I encourage everyone to find the Breast Cancer 3-Day in your area and add your cheers.

Seattle September 11-13, 2009
San Francisco Bay Area October 2-4, 2009
Washington, DC October 9-11, 2009
Philadelphia October 16-18, 2009
Atlanta October 23-25, 2009
Tampa Bay October 30 - November 1, 2009
Dallas/Fort Worth November 6-8, 2009 Arizona
November 13-15, 2009
San Diego November 20-22, 2009

Everyone Deserves a Lifetime

Understanding the Smart-Lazy Continuum

“Progress is made by lazy men looking for easier ways to do things” ~ Robert A. Heinlein

An important lesson I learned in the Army is that if you have a vile, hateful job that must be done— hand it off to the laziest smart person in the unit and they will figure out the fastest right way to get 'er done.

This is a careful balancing act. If you have someone who is lazy but stupid they will come up with easy solutions that turn out worse than the problem they were trying to solve (See, Bush, GW and Iraq War). On the other hand, if you have someone who is brilliant but too energetic they won’t be motivated to look for the most efficient way to do things. They might get off on taking 3 hours to do something that could be accomplished in 45 minutes.

Here’s a diagram that illustrates this concept. Remember, you need the proper balance of smart vs. lazy to achieve maximum efficiency.

It has been my delight to be the laziest smart person in every job, both military and civilian, I’ve ever held. As a lowly private on a punishment detail I was tasked with removing 7 layers of old linoleum from the barracks floor. They gave me a screwdriver and a hammer. Are you kidding, me? It took me about 10 minutes to figure out I needed a blowtorch and a putty knife. Bam! — One fully stripped floor. Today, I have macros on my computer to do everything but go to the bathroom for me.

On the other hand, inefficiency makes me crazy. This was even true when I was a kid. I tried to play Barbies with the girls (mostly because that meant playing with the girls) but I always gave up halfway through the first wardrobe change. Trying to make those little shoes stay on tiny feet made me want to kill someone. I always quit and went to read or outside to play baseball, instead.

You might be fooled into thinking that I’ve gotten over that aversion because the Rusty Patti / Gray Shade action figure has multiple outfits.


I have a confession to make. But be WARNED: Some might find these images disturbing.

Three action figures — Three outfits — One head
The perfect balance of smart to lazy.

I wish I could teach you this skill, but as Dagwood Bumstead pointed out, “You can't teach people to be lazy - either they have it, or they don't.”

[originally posted on LezBang]

Butch Overboard – Part III

The nose? Who knew?

After my first foray into the pool I told my daughter I was going to buy a nose clip because I remembered what I hate about the water (besides the possible drowning) — the water up my nose. She asked me how I breathe while swimming so I showed her.

Damn. You're supposed to exhale from the nose and inhale through the mouth? I have no idea why I thought swimming was a full on mouth-breather activity, but now I need to unlearn that habit. Kickboard at the ready.

Butch Overboard – Part II

So, I didn't drown.

No time for a full post since I'm on deadline for the comic but I wanted to note that I made it to the pool and spent about an hour in the water. The deepest part was only 5' which helped a lot — one of my biggest fears is wandering off the drop and finding myself in 8'. I will get to that point, but for now 5' is good. I was surprised by how much I remembered from the swim lessons at the YWCA my mom insisted on when I was a kid. No execution, but at least I remembered what I'm supposed to do.

Step 2: For the next two weeks I'm going to go to at least two water strength training and cardio classes a week. My hope is that concentrating on the weights, etc will take my mind off the water discomfort.

Step 3: Get a kick board and work on the actual swimming part.

And no one tried to stop me from walking into the Woman's Locker Room. Bonus.