Butch Overboard – Part I

2009 was the year I planned on getting over my fear of the water and even learning to swim. So far no luck — not even an attempt — at either one. But two weeks ago I committed to competing in the Tinsel Triathlon this December. It's the simplest way of achieving both goals. It's not a full triathlon but it's still serious cross training. The three legs include:

- 5K Run
- 12 Mile Bike
- 150 Meter Swim

You have to compete as a team so I talked my sister and daughter into joining my team. We were going to train for each leg and then the week of the event decide who’d take what. Last week we discovered that my daughter can’t run because of her knees. That charming development puts me one step closer the 150 meter swim for realz.

Learning to swim is one thing; it’s completely brain scrambling to think I might have to jump in and look like I know what I’m doing for three 50 meter laps. What about the takeoff or whatever the hell you call jumping in fast? And turning around? Am I going to have to learn to do that flip thing?

Slow down & breathe. Time for a plan.

Step 1: What the fuck am I supposed to swim in?

Over the weekend I looked for respectable butch swimwear. I figured there’d be something akin to cargo shorts with a sports bra/t-shirt combination top. EPIC FAIL. Nothing I found came close to anything I’d allow my self to be seen wearing in public.

I went home and Googled images for “butch swimwear.” No help and NOT what you think it is.

Then I looked for men’s trunks that could be worn over a one-piece tank suits. No problem with the trunks but no way am I gonna wear any of the one-piece suits that I found. Underwire? Seriously?

Today, on a hunch, I went to Big Five Sporting Goods. SCORE. I’ve been living in California for the past 25 years. How did I not know about rash guards? They’re worn while surfing. The women’s version was definitely too femmey. The "i" is dotted with a flower for cripe's sake:


So I went with this one instead and picked up a simple pair of men’s trunks. I’m going to try them out tomorrow. I’ll report back. Unless I drown.