Butch Overboard – Part II

So, I didn't drown.

No time for a full post since I'm on deadline for the comic but I wanted to note that I made it to the pool and spent about an hour in the water. The deepest part was only 5' which helped a lot — one of my biggest fears is wandering off the drop and finding myself in 8'. I will get to that point, but for now 5' is good. I was surprised by how much I remembered from the swim lessons at the YWCA my mom insisted on when I was a kid. No execution, but at least I remembered what I'm supposed to do.

Step 2: For the next two weeks I'm going to go to at least two water strength training and cardio classes a week. My hope is that concentrating on the weights, etc will take my mind off the water discomfort.

Step 3: Get a kick board and work on the actual swimming part.

And no one tried to stop me from walking into the Woman's Locker Room. Bonus.

Butch Overboard – Part I

2009 was the year I planned on getting over my fear of the water and even learning to swim. So far no luck — not even an attempt — at either one. But two weeks ago I committed to competing in the Tinsel Triathlon this December. It's the simplest way of achieving both goals. It's not a full triathlon but it's still serious cross training. The three legs include:

- 5K Run
- 12 Mile Bike
- 150 Meter Swim

You have to compete as a team so I talked my sister and daughter into joining my team. We were going to train for each leg and then the week of the event decide who’d take what. Last week we discovered that my daughter can’t run because of her knees. That charming development puts me one step closer the 150 meter swim for realz.

Learning to swim is one thing; it’s completely brain scrambling to think I might have to jump in and look like I know what I’m doing for three 50 meter laps. What about the takeoff or whatever the hell you call jumping in fast? And turning around? Am I going to have to learn to do that flip thing?

Slow down & breathe. Time for a plan.

Step 1: What the fuck am I supposed to swim in?

Over the weekend I looked for respectable butch swimwear. I figured there’d be something akin to cargo shorts with a sports bra/t-shirt combination top. EPIC FAIL. Nothing I found came close to anything I’d allow my self to be seen wearing in public.

I went home and Googled images for “butch swimwear.” No help and NOT what you think it is.

Then I looked for men’s trunks that could be worn over a one-piece tank suits. No problem with the trunks but no way am I gonna wear any of the one-piece suits that I found. Underwire? Seriously?

Today, on a hunch, I went to Big Five Sporting Goods. SCORE. I’ve been living in California for the past 25 years. How did I not know about rash guards? They’re worn while surfing. The women’s version was definitely too femmey. The "i" is dotted with a flower for cripe's sake:


So I went with this one instead and picked up a simple pair of men’s trunks. I’m going to try them out tomorrow. I’ll report back. Unless I drown.

Are You the Fixer or the Fixed?

Raise your hand if you have mental checklist of the things you plan on fixing in perspective girlfriends. My exes all did. I did not. If your clothes and hair cut are good enough when we’re dating, they’re good enough when we become a couple. My exes did not agree.


As soon as we got together either my hair or clothes or both were “wrong.” My hair should be longer or shorter or curled. My clothes should be preppier or girlier (Who hooks up with a butch woman and then decides she wants her to be girlier, anyway?)

I’m not saying that I never found out things about my girl friends that I tried to change. One used racial epithets and I did issue an ultimatum over that. Another one had never voted in her life. I didn't make it an issue, but I did start taking her to rallies and we talked politics a lot. She decided on her own to start voting. She called me during the 2008 election to talk about the races and ballot initiatives and I admit that made me pretty happy.

But as far as suggestions on makeup and hairstyle, I keep my mouth shut. If I buy clothes, jewelry, or perfume as presents, I stick with what I know you like, not what I wish you liked.
[originally posted on LezBang, July 2008]

Cigars? Cigarettes? Tiparillos?

Thanks to a certain online buddy, a good part of my life is now spent in What would it take to make that into 1/6 scale land. I thought I’d share a very cool find with you.

I needed a pack of cigarettes for a certain action figure but a 1/6 scale pack of cigarettes on eBay costs about $8-$10; it would take a couple of weeks for delivery; I’d still need to mock up the design and paste it on.

Time to do it myself. I needed a template for a box of cigarettes. I almost bought a pack to take apart until I found out how much cigarettes cost now. Fuck me. Are you kidding? I remember buying them at the Commissary for $2 a carton. I think when I quit they cost $1.50 a pack and I bitched about that.

I looked for a template online. SCORE. The site is called Build your own death project. Here's the full size version.

I used MS Publisher. After I worked out the logistics with the full-size version, I reduced the image to 1/6 scale, cut it out and folded as directed. The blog with the 1/6 version in use is on the action hero site.

Here’s the tax stamp on the bottom of the box. It’s barely visible on the full-size version much less the 1/6 scale. But I know it’s there. Here a link to a seal generator that I used to design the stamp.


There are some very creative souls who took the concept much further than me. Bangers used the template and came up with some fun designs:
(If I missed one that you posted, let me know and I'll add it if you send the file.)
Update: Unfortunately, the link to the cigarette box template is now dead. but you can download my sample to use as a guide.

Bondage Thursday

[Originally posted on LezBang]
Curious Friend: Rusty, have you ever used any of your ties for “extracurricular purposes”?
Me: I have not, but I wouldn’t rule it out in the future.

After that conversation, I wondered which of my ties would be best suited for that purpose. I wasn’t sure. So, allow me to put on my Gallop cap and ask which one you’d pick? (Hypothetically speaking, of course.)

(From left to right: the Keith Haring, my favorite tie, plain black with a weave texture, bow tie)

When making your choice which of the following characteristics would be most important?
- Length?
- Width?
- Texture?
- Material?
- Color?
- Pattern?

As long as you're here and in a disclosing mood, show of hands:
- Have you ever secured handcuffs only to later discover you lost the key?
- Has your partner lost a key after cuffing you?
- Can you get a good deal from a police supply company?
- What’s your favorite safe word?
- Have you ever forgotten your safe word?
- Have you ever pretended you forgot your partner's safe word?

Rusty Patti Rebooted

The reboot is posted. The link to the Rusty Patti - lesbian action hero blog is on the right hand side of the screen.

Fred Phelps and his Westboro Baptist Church congregation (all 15 of them) are already gearing up for battle. (They think they can stage a quick protest against the Rusty Patti comic on their way to the Michael Jackson Memorial on Tuesday).

IT'S ON!

"It sucks for all of you to NOT be me!"

That's what I wrote on the LezBang Christmas blog when I received my gift from my online buddy, Neo. She made me a frakkin action-figure. I was giddy and that does not happen often.

I needed to find a damsel in distress and hire a side-kick. And music; I needed a theme song. All of those things happened. And there was even a comic strip. I haven't done anything with the comic lately, but that's about to change.

Be on the lookout after the 4th of July weekend for a reboot of The Adventures of Rusty Patti- lesbian action hero.